Im a crookedy tree, and its quite plain to see
Where a deer took a nibble and munch out of me.
It was really my fault when he came to a halt
And started to look through the fence longingly.
Well, I was the closestmy branches and tip
Stuck out through the posts where the wire had a rip,
So I said, Go ahead, Ive got plenty to spare.
Next year when I grow I wont know youve been there.
So he said, Thanks a bunch! Ive missed out on my lunch.
All this cold snow and walking caught me in a crunch.
Ive gone a bit lame. Things are just not the same.
No one cares much for wild deer. They all want them tame.
So he ate a la carte. Then he had to depart,
But he said hed remember me well in his heart.
He had to get home to his place by a creek,
With a stump and a pump and a bird with a squeak.
Now the fellow who grew us collected our pots
And trucked us all live to the Christmas tree lots,
And we got bought and soldall except, that is, me
Because nobody wanted a lopsided tree.
Well, the days hurried past and so did the buyers,
For we were well advertised in the news flyers.
Close to Christmas Eve almost all trees had a home
Except, that is, me and a slightly trashed gnome.
And though we sat there, bravely smiling with hope,
The people walked by, shook their heads and said, Nope.
Its lost half its side where a branch ought to clump.
Theres no place on top for a starjust a stump.
And as for that gnome, his hats lost all its tassel.
We dont want a fellow whos been in a hassle.
We want something perfect and pretty, not bruised.
That tree and the gnome look as though theyve been used.
So the salesman made up a fine red and green sign
Saying Half Price, and leaned it against a potMINE!
And he said with a frown, I wont take them from town.
Ill throw them away, close the lot and shut down.
Friendly gnome kept his smile and said, After awhile,
When the rest are all gone, well stand out from the pile.
So we waited and waited. Just as we gave up
Along came a man, woman, girl and a pup.
Their old truck was bent where it hit some cement,
And the truck box was roofed with a green canvas tent,
But they laughed quite a lot, and they stopped at my pot
When the little girl said, Daddy, look what theyve got!
That trees just the thing to replace our old Friend.
We wont even have to give branches a bend.
That bald spot will fit snug against her old stump,
And the gnome can keep company right by the pump.
He can have my old tocque, the one with the bobble.
That flat top on the tree is just right for poor Hobble.
He still loves to sit in a tree top and sing,
Even though hes off key and has lost half a wing.
Its lovely and snug. He can perch easily,
And Lame Deer can sit by the side of the tree.
The squirrels will have fir cones, the birds will get bugs,
And its just the right place for the hummingbird jugs.
Well, Mom looked at Dad and the little girl smiled,
And the salesman was really intrigued with the child,
So he said, For a buck you can have the whole lot.
Dad found in his pocket a looney and bought.
Now, you see, all this happened a few years ago,
And the farm where they planted me deep in the snow
Is a shelter for all things a bit crookedy,
And the name of the place is The Lopsided Tree.